The Marauders- A Tale of Friendship
by bookworm0307
Summary: After leaving school, the four marauders think that they have their whole lives ahead of them. Little do they know that that the first wizarding war will change their lives forever. They will face first love, betrayal and terrible grief, but can they retain the friendship that has kept them together for so long?
1. The Start of the Rest of our Lives

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Chapter 1

_James_

"It's not looking good, Prongs." Sirius passes me the paper and I hesitantly scan the headlines. He's right, more and more are dying each week, Muggles mainly. Hatred boils in my throat, for the Deatheaters and their seemingly endless reign of terror, the innocent Muggles that they kill for the fun of it, and our hopeless situation. With school over for good, we should be celebrating, but no one is. It wouldn't seem right, not with everything that's going on.

"What do we do?"

"Nothing we can do." Sirius barely glances at me, returning to his cereal. I know that he's right, even the ministry are struggling to control the army of Deatheaters. I'm afraid. I shouldn't be, I'm not a Muggle-born, not even half-blood; no one will touch me. Yes, I have nothing to worry about…

"You know, they're starting to fear his name," He grins at me "They won't say it. Read the papers, the only ever refer to him as 'You Know Who' or something." I check, scanning through the main story. "_You Know Who's deadly forces are becoming stronger every day, leaving a trail of destruction and murder in their wake. The Minister of Magic recently declared that he will soon defeat the so called 'Dark Lord' and end this war before too many lives are claimed…"_

"What are they afraid of? It's a name, nothing more." I sigh. Yes, but it's the name of perhaps the most powerful, evil wizard that's ever lived. Maybe the name _is_ cursed.

"Vol-de-mort," I try the name out, tasting how it feels on my tongue, "Voldemort." Bitter. Bitter and sour.

"You would do well to watch your mouth, young man!" Mum hits me over the head with the Daily Prophet, now folded up. I complain loudly and she turns away. I know that she too, is afraid of the name, maybe she has reason to. Running my fingers through my always scruffy hair, I sigh. We're just kids, playing a game that will be one step ahead the whole time.

"No point James, you've been trying that for years. It's still as messy as it has always has been." I force a laugh, realising that I've been too hung up on matters that don't really concern me. My NEWT results were impressive, certainly better than Sirius'. We're yet to hear from the others, but we have all the time in the world to talk. We are young, and life stretches out in front of us, full of possibilities and seemingly endless.

The girl of my dreams is mine, forever. Not that I'm holding her prisoner, but I can no longer see a future without her. Lilly. I haven't told anyone, but her, that I love her. I have done since the day I met her, and I always will. It was never just a crush, not with Lilly, it was never going to be that simple. She is beautiful, truly beautiful. Flame red hair, eyes that shine like emeralds, and her smile. She is so beautiful when she smiles, her whole face just lights up. I like it when she smiles at me, when she's happy to see me. Sometimes I live for those smiles, those laughs…

"You're thinking about Lilly again, aren't you?" Sirius smirks , and I look away. He can practically read my mind sometimes, it's a little disconcerting.

"So what if I am? None of the rest of you are even _close_ to having a girlfriend."

"Yeah, well Wormtail's a tad dim, Mooney has far more important things to worry about, and I-"

"And you just seem to repel girls." He raises an eyebrow, his feet rested on the table in front of him as though he were at home. Of course, my house has been Sirius' home for years, and my parents have practically accepted him as one of the family, which seems about right, seeing as he's been like a brother for almost my entire Hogwarts life. I know that he views me in the same way, the brother that he wishes Regulus could be. He doesn't talk about him much, but we all know where Regulus' loyalties lie.

When Mum comes back in, she drops the paper on the table, obviously angry. She's always angry, or upset, these days. I flip through the paper, hoping for something trivial to fill my mind with. But it is a stupid wish, because all the journalists are melodramatic idiots. All the same, my stomach tightens as my eyes catch one particular article: _YOU KNOW WHO: HUNTING FOR WEREWOLVES? The Ministry begins its search for werewolves, after receiving information that You Know Who is recruiting them in their masses. The Minister of Magic urges the public to bring forward any knowledge about the whereabouts of _any _of the beasts, as they may already be under the influence of dark and dangerous wizards. However, he also assures the country that he will protect citizens from these animals that masquerade as humans as they slowly join You Know Who's troops. _Rita Skeeter. She's beginning to make a name for herself in the world of journalism, for all the wrong reasons. I already hate her.

I set the paper on fire in my anger and gain a questioning look from Sirius, but I'm beyond caring. I should have got used to the constant torrent of abuse aimed at werewolves, but I haven't. Sometimes I think that I care more than Remus, maybe we all do, which doesn't make sense. The paper smoulders fiercely as it disintegrates, leaving a black burn of the table. My stomach has screwed up into a tight ball of frustration and it won't relax.

"You alright, mate?"

"Fine," I snap, feeling slightly guilty despite knowing how difficult it is to insult Sirius.

"I read it too. There's nothing that we can do about it, just ignore it, that's what Mooney does. Well I guess he has to, or he'd probably go mental…"

Sighing, I rest my head in my hands. My heartbeat is slowing, the claws of fear releasing their grip on my stomach. I've been worrying too much recently, about things that won't amount to anything or don't affect me, it's not healthy. And I keep thinking about what Goyle said last time we saw him: "_Good luck Evans, you're gonna need it!" _A foul boy that will never achieve anything in his life due to a distinct lack of brains, and yet, I can't help thinking that there was some truth in his words, maybe Lilly does need to be careful… They're targeting Muggles; it doesn't take much logic to work out who will be next.

Poor Lilly.

And yet, despite all of my worries, school is over, it's time for me to make my place in the world. No more homework, or detentions, or Professor Binns… I can be my own boss, make money and move out of my parent's house; it's going to be brilliant! I'm sure that, after a few months, they'll put an end to Volde- You Know Who and his Deatheaters, and then I can stop worrying, because, if I think logically, I have no reason to worry about one evil wizard.

My days at Hogwarts are over, but the rest of my life is just beginning. It won't be easy, these are difficult times to grow up in, to make my mark. There was something comforting about the corridors of Hogwarts, it was where I learnt who I was. I think that sometimes I hid behind the mask that we made for ourselves, letting others think that there was nothing more to me than a joker, a prankster, a quidditch player, the vain, dark haired one that chased Lilly Evans. I'm not proud of everything that I did at school, and there were times when I should have worked harder, but I wouldn't change it for the world.

There's a knock on the door and I hurry to answer it, certain that it is Lilly. My heart skips a beat when I see a flash of her red hair.

_Sirius_

Lilly and Prongs talk for what seems like hours, her constant giggling grating on my nerves. I realise with a jolt that there is simply nothing left for me to do. No homework to ignore, no Snivelus to ridicule, no pranks just waiting to be pulled. I've left school with just a handful of grades to show for it. Never mind, I'm sure that I'll think of something to fill the days with before I drop down dead one autumn afternoon.

James is worried about Voldemort, no matter how hard he's trying to ignore it. I mean, it's bothering me a little, but it's nothing really to do with us. It's not that I don't care about the people dying, it's a shame and everything, but there's no point getting hung up about it.

But James is worried about Lilly. Muggleborns like her will be next, I'm certain. He probably hasn't even realised himself that she is the reason for his anxiety, I often know what's going on inside his head before he does. I think that he loves her. He truly loves her, and he will until she breaks his heart. Which she will, eventually. She'll leave him for Snivelus and the rest of us will have to pick up the pieces of his broken heart. He's happy now though, despite nearly having a mental breakdown earlier, and I'm not going to get too worked up about it. After all, there's no way that Lilly Evans would join the Deatheaters, even if it meant being with her beloved Snivelus. Yes, I'm certain that now he's left school, he'll have run to Voldemort at the first chance he got. Just like my darling cousin Bella and my broth- Yes, just like my cousin.

I politely decline another plate on sandwiches from Mrs Potter- I've already eaten two dozen. I would like to get out of here as soon as possible- I've lived with the Potters for long enough- but I've got no where to go. I am suddenly struck down with the idea that I'll still be living here longer than James, but that's probably a ridiculous and stupid notion.

Excusing myself, I go outside, desperate to light up. I breathe in deeply, sighing as my desire for the taste of nicitine is satisfied. Damn Muggles. Why do they have to make these things so addictive? I started to get on my family's nerves, and now I can't stop. Even worse, I seem to be spending half my life enduring lectures from Evans, seeing as she knows _so _much about Muggles. Damn her.

It's a hot, dry day and I soon long for the cool of indoors, but I stay in the sun a little longer. There is nothing I fear more than being caged up somewhere, my freedom taken and hidden from me forever. Sometimes I think of the strangest things. All the same, I'd rather enjoy the outdoors for a little longer, it somehow creates the illusion that, with school over, I'll be free forever and ever. This is not true of course, I'm not free, not even now. I'm trapped by my pure blood family of wannabee Deatheaters, the past that I can't escape from, my need to work and earn money somehow is steadily locking me away, forcing me to become someone that I'm not and my loyalty to dangerous friends could be the end of me. But it's just everyone else that views people like him as dangerous, uncontrollable beasts. I think that he's probably the most genuinely kind person that I've ever known, but that won't convince the Ministry.

I have to get away. Away from James and his perfect family and perfect girlfriend, his perfect future lying ahead of him. Without thinking, I find myself running away on four legs, because this is the only way that I ever feel free.

_Peter_

My bedroom ceiling is grey and dull, cracked from years of unnoticed disrepair. I could probably fix it with magic, but I sort of like it this way, it's always been old and weirdly comforting. I feel the weight of endless weeks pressing down on me like they do in the summer holidays, except this time there's no school to go back to. Ever. My NEWT marks were relatively mediocre and I dread the moment when I find out the wonderful, magnificent results that my friends will surely have achieved.

Not that I have a problem with that. I'm used to being overshadowed and I'm happy to be, I can't change who I am. But I was lucky to make such great friends; I'd never felt so carefree, as if the whole world was on my side. It's over now though, they'll all go their separate ways and I'll be left in my Mum's house for the rest of my life. Some people are born for greatness, some are born to simply be their friends.

I'm still not sure how I ended up as one of the four "Marauders." James and Sirius were easily the most popular boys in the school; they're smart, funny and confident, so why wouldn't they be? And now they'll go on to have successful jobs, which is cool, I'm not the jealous type, and life will be good for them.

Mum calls me down to lunch, but I ignore her. I'm not really hungry, anyway. I think that I'll go to the Potter's later, it's been two weeks since we saw each other and I miss their company. I always liked being with people that laugh and joke, it makes a welcome change to the solemn atmosphere that occupies my own home. My Mum's barely smiled since Dad left, and I've always dreaded the summer holidays when it's just the two of us.

I'll move out as soon as I can, I don't care where, but anything's better than here. Hogwarts was my home, and now it's gone. I've never been overly ambitious, which I think disappoints Mum, I'm happy to stay the way I am, I shouldn't have to become someone that I'm not. But she wants great things for her only child, which is stupid because I've never done anything of any greatness in my life. God knows what made the sorting hat put me in Gryfindor, maybe it knew something that I don't.

_Remus_

Frustration writhes inside me and it's all I can do to not shout out. Five NEWTS, practically top marks. Wonderful, fantastic, I'm a frickin' genius. Not that it matters, of course it doesn't. I fooled myself into thinking that I could do anything if I got the right grades, which I did. If I was anyone else then people would be telling me that the sky's the limit. But I'm me, so "the ground's the limit" seems more appropriate. I don't know why I even bothered going to Hogwarts in the first place; I don't know why Dumbledore let me. It would have been kinder not to.

And what have I achieved? Seven years of teachers telling me to learn and revise and take exams so that I can get the job that I want. I want to be an Auror. Fat chance. The ministry won't even let people like me into the building, let alone consider me for any sort of job. My whole life from now on will be disappointments and failures. Thanks Greyback, you bastard, you've ruined my life. Now anyone that knows the truth looks at me with an expression of either fear or disgust, I'm not sure which is worse.

It wasn't all bad. Of course, not everyone is as judgemental as the masses, and I couldn't have asked for better friends throughout my Hogwarts life. But Hogwarts is over, and there's no Dumbledore to protect me and watch my back, I'm alone to the cruelties of the world. And anyone that finds out will think that I'm siding with the Deatheaters and turn me in, and then not even my old headmaster could save me from the Wizengamot court. Even if I told them that I wouldn't join the Deatheaters if my life depended on it, they wouldn't listen. People like them never listen to people like me.

It's one of the sunniest days so far this year, but it's dark in the dense woodland. It reminds me of the forbidden forest out here, the shadows and silence. Out here, I begin to calm down. But not completely. The anger never goes away, no matter how I try to distract myself. The words in the article that I read this morning keep flooding back to me: _"The Minister of Magic urges the public to bring forward any knowledge about the whereabouts of _any _of the beasts… animals that masquerade as humans… they may fool you into thinking that they are just like you and me, but this is a lie…" _Stop it Remus. She doesn't know what she's talking about. Bitch. There's always someone out there trying to ruin my life in any way they can. It's only going to get worse.

There were times, when I was with James and Sirius and Peter, that I felt like I belonged, like I wasn't constantly being weighed down by the truth of my identity. I wonder what would happen if I simply drifted away into the wild like others of my kind. Would I become like the newspapers say I am, a wild, uncontrollable animal? Probably. But I won't give Skeeter the satisfaction of being right. After all, she's more of an animal than I'll ever be; at least, that's what James would say.

Werewolf. That's what I am, it's what I always will be, and there's nothing I can do about it. I haven't yet succumbed to the animal desires that others inherit, and I don't intend to. It doesn't change anything though, few can look past what I am, and there are times when even I can't. I don't let it show though; I've spent years hiding my anger and frustration so that even my friends can't see. Though sometimes I think Sirius sees through my disguise, it wouldn't surprise me. He's practically a mind reader. Well, they say that dogs do have an acute sense for the emotions of others.

I smile despite myself. I'll go see James and Sirius, forget who I am for a few hours. Forget Rita Skeeter and Deatheaters and the Ministry and NEWTS and- Stop it Remus. I turn on the spot and disapperate.

_Sirius_

I'm sleeping in the shade when I feel a hand stroking my back. My eyes open wearily. Remus, of course. I yawn and change back into human form.

"Mooney, it's good to see you. Are we talking about NEWTs or…?"

"No. I don't want to talk about NEWTs. Ever." So he got full marks. Of course he'd be angry. All that work, essentially for nothing. It's such a shame; he's clever and could do something great with his life. I guess it's just bad luck.

"Prongs and Evans are upstairs snogging. They should be done soon. Would you like a drink?" He shakes his head. Still angry then. Angry at the world.

"So what's your problem with Lilly?" His question surprises me; I often forget that he's nearly as good at reading emotions as I am.

"It's obvious, isn't it?"

"No, Padfoot. Most of what goes on in your head is often obscure and incomprehensible. So what is your problem with Lilly?" But I never get to answer, because James leads her by her hand into the kitchen, smiling like some love sick idiot. I role my eyes and turn away.

"Alright Sirius?" She says, "How were your NEWTs?" I turn around, grinning.

"Full marks, of course. How about you?" She smiles that infuriating "_I'm the best and I know it" _smile.

"Same." I'm not sure whether she's telling the truth. She's about to leave, but I decide that I haven't had anything to do all day, and this is my chance.

"What about Severus? How did he do?" I cheer inside as her whole body stiffens. She doesn't even turn my way when she tells me that they haven't spoken in years. Liar.

"Well it's going to be difficult to resolve your, erm, differences now, isn't it?" James and Remus are glaring at me, and I know that I should stop now and walk away with all four limbs attached, but I'm having too much fun.

"What do you mean, Black?" She swivels round, staring straight at me, unafraid.

"Well he's run straight to You Know Who. He's always wanted to." Lilly looks pleadingly at James and I can tell that he's torn between who to side with. "Him and his little freak friends. Wierdo." I say the last word under my breath, just loud enough for her to hear.

"You're a child, Black. Nothing but a petty, pathetic child." And with that she leaves, Prongs tries to stop her, but she shoves him away. I'm celebrating on the inside.

As soon as she's gone, James punches me hard in the face.


	2. The Days That Follow

DISCLAIMER:  These characters do not belong to me, they are the inventions of J.K. Rowling. Although I have added my own ideas, the story is hers.

Chapter 2

_James_

"I love you, James." She smiles, her eyes shining. I kiss her again, and she melts into my arms. She's kissing me back, passionate and fervent, wrapping her arms around my neck. Holding her in my arms, I cling to this moment, this single, perfect moment. Love burns strong and quickly in times of war, and these are terrible times. But I push those dark thoughts from my mind so that there is only Lilly. Forever and always, Lilly.

"I love you too. I promise that I will love you, no matter what happens, until I can love no more. I swear-"

"Don't swear. Don't promise anything. Life is filled with decisions and choices, who knows where it will take us? But I love you now, and that's what matters, not empty promises that we can't be sure to keep." Her hair is spread out on the pillow like an orange flame, burning bright and strong. I kiss her forehead, caressing her cheek with my hand. Yes, now is good. I love her now, so much that it hurts, as if my heart is about to explode. Who cares what tomorrow brings? Today is amazing. Right now, is perfect.

The days pass in a blur, with no school to mark the time. The rise of Lord Voldemort isn't our problem, and I barely think about it. Because life is pretty much complete, and I have no reason to worry about people that I don't know. I am young, and immortal.

_Sirius_

_The Wonky Broomstick _is a dark, dingy bar filled with the lowest of the low. Wizards sit in its shadows all day long, drinking fire whisky until they lose their senses, washing away their sorrows with endless drinks. Occasionally a fight breaks out, but the duellers are usually too drunk to do any serious harm to the other. I'm pretty sure that many use this bar to trade in illegal merchandise; I think that I saw someone with a dragon egg once, but I keep my mouth shut. At _The Wonky Broomstick _people keep the secrets of others in the hope that they'll return the favour. For such foul people, they are extremely trustworthy.

Well, I have to earn money somehow. I won't be here long, just until I've got enough to buy my own place. Every so often, I hear something that I shouldn't hear, but I ignore it. It's not my business, why should I get involved. "_He doesn't have a clue what he's doing… Midnight, you say? I wouldn't believe everything that you hear… Order of the what? It's a load of rubbish… The Dark Lord will soon take the ministry… Times are going to improve for you and me, I think…" _Most of its incomprehensible, but I get the gist of what isn't being written in the newspapers, spies inside the Ministry, the recruitment of giants, or the regular exclamation of "_Nowhere is safe." _No one knows what's true and what's a lie anymore.

What I do know is that times are hard for many. And it's only going to get worse before it gets better. It's time to choose sides. My family have chosen. Dumbledore has chosen. Severus and Bella have chosen. The Ministry decided long ago. I should have made my choice; there's only one logical, moral option. But if I side with the Ministry, then I'm fighting against my family. No matter how much I hate them, no matter what they do, I'm not yet certain whether I can do that. Family is something I can't deny, even though I've been running from it my whole life.

I cast a quick confundus charm at a middle aged wizard that looks like he might kill someone soon, and get back to making drinks. The boss grunts at me in appreciation; I'm pretty sure that he's a Squib. I turn to face the bar and see a familiar face.

"Alright Peter?" He makes a half-hearted attempt to smile, but it doesn't look quite right.

"Yeah," he says, "And yourself?"

"Alright. Could be better, but I can't complain." He orders a butterbeer and I hand it to him in a grimy tankard.

"So what brings you to the area?" He doesn't reply straight away, looking uncomfortable. I wait patiently, knowing that he'll tell me eventually, he's never been very good at keeping secrets.

"Look, Sirius, hear me out. I know that you don't value you my opinion," I don't disagree with him, "But just, listen to what I have to say."

"I'm listening."

"I've been reading the papers and-"

"Don't believe everything you read." He looks mildly irritated at my interruption, but continues nonetheless, in a whisper so quiet that only I can hear.

"You don't think Remus has joined the Deatheaters, do you?"

_Remus_

"I'm going out for a bit," I call out to the quiet, but not empty, house. No answer. "See you later then," I whisper as I shut the door. Who knows how long I'll be? A few days, a week? I just have to get away from the unnaturally quiet house, and the forest beckons. James' house is never quiet, but I can't go there anymore. I got the feeling from Mr. Potter that I'm no longer welcome in his home, and I don't want to cause a fight. I thought that I did the good thing, telling him, seeing as I was spending so much time at their house, now I'm not so sure.

My life right now seems to be self pity and loathing. I hate it and I'm sick of it. I wish something would happen, anything, to fill the monotonous boredom that fills each one of my endless days. I absent mindedly use a basic hover charm to play with the broken twigs beneath my feet. Bored, bored, bored.

Tomorrow night the moon will be full, I'll have to be well away by then. I've only ever gone through a handful of changes away from Hogwarts since I was eleven, and I'm not used to finding somewhere safe. Nothing that I can do about it though.

_Peter_

"Don't be so stupid, Peter." Sirius turns away, and I instantly regret bringing it up. But as soon as I read it, I couldn't just ignore it. I mean, it was a perfectly reasonable suggestion, almost every werewolf has joined You Know Who, why not Remus? The Daily Prophet is always warning people about how dangerous werewolves are, even the civilised ones like Remus, and we can't be too careful. I don't know why Sirius felt that he needed to call me stupid.

"Look, Sirius, if you would just-"

"No Peter. Remus is our friend, how dare you say that? I trust him, why don't you?" Sirius isn't often angry, but now his entire posture has changed. His fists are clenched, resting on the the bar and his expression has turned cold. He looks like his brother.

"Because Remus isn't, well, it's not like he's..." Sirius grabs my collar, his face a painting of pure fury.

"Well, spit it out Wormtail." I tremble in my seat, trying to struggle away from his grasp; I've never been very good at standing up for myself, unless Sirius and James are on my side.

"Nothing. It was nothing."

"That's what I thought," he shoves me off the barstool and I fall to the ground, "Weren't you just about to leave, Wormtail?" I scramble out of the door, apperating as soon as I'm outside.

_Remus_

"Damn it, Mooney, have you any idea how long I've been looking for you?"

"I didn't ask you to come looking for me."

"But I did. So you're just gonna have to put up with me." I glance hesitantly at the sky, still a few more hours until night fall. At some point I'm going to have to do this by myself, but not yet. I feel still so much like a child, as though the world is still to big for me, and I have no intention of facing it alone.

"Thanks, Sirius."

"Whatever. I've got nothing else to do." He looks awkward, as though he's trying too hard to mask his emotions. So he's not telling me something, nevermind. He'll tell me in his own time if he wants to, if he doesn't then he'll have his reasons. In the shadow of the trees I see something, a whisper of movement, but it's nothing, the woods never sleep and the leaves are filled with life.

"So what've you been up to? Other than wallowing in your own pool of self pity?" I've known Sirius too long to be offended by his words, and know him too well to be fooled into thinking he cares.

"Are you asking, or trying to avoid something you don't want to talk about?"

"You can't answer a question with a question."

"I just did." I sigh, sitting down and resting my back against the rough bark of a tree. Sirius sits down next to me, closing his eyes for a moment.

"Believe me when I tell you that you really don't need to know. You don't want to know. I know that that's a stupid thing to say, and it doesn't exactly make you less curious or intensely intrigued, but it doesn't matter."

"You don't want to offend me?"

"I have no problem with offending you, but we'll let this one pass."

"Sure, but you'd tell me if the Deatheaters were on my tail?"

"Of course, what are friends for?" Not long now, the sun has almost set. God, I hate full moons.

_James_

I hear muffled voices; Sirius and Remus. I'll be quieter on four legs. They don't even notice me as I approach, even though the leaves whisper of my presense. Strange, Remus is usually quite observant. I like walking through the forest in my animaegus form, it's nice to be accepted as part of the wildlife instead of a roudy intruder.

"You joining us, Prongs?" Damn. I emerge from the leaves, transforming back into my human shape. I haven't seen either of them in weeks, and Sirius looks tired, his dark hair hangs greasy and limp at the side of his face, which is a stoney mask.

"I spoke to Wormtail today. What's wrong with you?"

"James-"

"Are you going to start explaing?" Sirius glowers at me, his usual grin chased from his features. He flicks his eyes towards Remus, but I don't understand what he's trying to tell me.

"What _exactly _did Peter tell you? Because I can guarantee that it was a lie." I clench my teeth, glancing anxiously towards the sky.

"Ok, whatever. Now's not the time." Yeah, just a few minutes until the full moon isn't a good time to be bickering. Fear flashes across Remus' eyes and he scrambles to his feet.

"Peter's not coming?" Remus asks, a trace of a smile on his lips.

"Not tonight. We had a disagreement."


	3. Shadows of a Lost Love

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me, they are the inventions of J.K. Rowling. Although I have added my own ideas, the story is hers.

Chapter 3

_Remus_

"Lily? What a pleasant surprise." She just nods as I let her in. It genuinely is a pleasant surprise; I always enjoy spending time with Lily, we became very close as Gryffindor's prefects.

"I need to talk to you, Remus." I lead her upstairs, away from curious ears. And of course my mother would be curious, she'd probably have a heart attack if she realised that I had a girl visiting me. I realised long ago that a _girlfriend _would be stupid and irresponsible on my part. It always surprised me that Sirius never had a girlfriend, all the girls at Hogwarts practically drooled over him, and it's not like he was especially focussed on studying. He just never really seemed interested in anything more serious than flirting.

"Please don't tell anyone about this Remus, I'm trusting you."

"You have my word."

"Oh, God. I don't know where to begin." She laughs nervously.

"Start at the beginning Lily. I'll listen, I can promise you that."

"Ok. Well, you know that I haven't spoken to Severus in years, don't you? No matter what Sirius thinks, we haven't been friends for a long time. But I can't just, stop caring about him, worrying about him. That's why I can't talk to James, because he'd get jealous, or Sirius, because he's a jerk… And all my other friends don't quite understand. I need to talk to you."

She pauses for a moment, and I can see that she's trying very hard not to cry. Outside, the ground is white with the first snow of winter, and many are hoping that the New Year will bring new hope. But hope is for children, and dreams for the weak minded. If I've learnt anything, its that life is nothing but cold, hard reality. I gently slip Lily's hand into mine and she smiles at me, looking into my eyes and not staring at the shadows under them, or the cuts and bruises I haven't gotten round to healing yet.

"Sirius is right, in a way. Severus will have joined the Deatheaters, and if he hasn't yet then he will. I shouldn't care, I don't mean to, but I can't help it. I don't know whether I'm angry at him, or anxious about what'll happen to him. I needed to talk to someone, and I knew that you wouldn't judge me. I don't love Severus; I never have, even though everyone thought I did. But he was my best friend once, and I can't just stop caring about what happens to him. What do I do, Remus?"

"Severus has made his choice. It was a… regrettable decision, but if he truly has joined You Know Who, then there's nothing that we can do. I'm sorry Lily." Her face becomes cold for a moment as my words sink in, expressionless. Then she smiles, but her face is marked with a deep sadness that may never truly leave her heart.

"Thank you, Remus. Truly, thank you." Without thinking, I fold my arms around her, holding her close as she weeps silently.

"Oh, Lily, one more thing. Don't you, ever, believe a word that Sirius tells you about Severus. Promise?"

"Sure, if you promise not to believe a word that the Daily Prophet says." She smiles again, pulling away and wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"But… how did you? Did James…"

"Oh, no, he's a loyal friend. I sort of worked it out for myself." She kisses my cheek and I blush, embarrassed, "Please don't let Skeeter get to you, you're a wonderful person, and I don't like to see you so unhappy."

"What do I do, Lily?"

"I don't know. But, stay safe, Remus." The way she looks at me, it's like she's trying to understand me. She's thinking of everything that she's ever been told about werewolves and comparing it to the truth. I can see every thought flashing through her mind, not pity, exactly, but sympathy and affection. She looks at the cuts on my face, curious, and at the pain in my eyes as though she feels it too, but she can't find the words to express how she feels.

"The Daily Prophet exaggerates everything, you'll be ok if you keep your head down."

"But what if I'm not? I'm scared, Lily. They don't care what I do, they just see a werewolf. They've decided who I am before they know my name. All I have to do is step one toe out of line-"

"You're not with You Know Who, and they don't have any evidence that you are. They can't accuse you of something that you haven't done." But they can sure as hell try.

_James_

_"Greyback: Perhaps one of the most feared of werewolves was recently sited in London. The Ministry urges citizens to remember that he is dangerous and ruthless, and not to approach him under any circumstances. It is suspected that, like much of his kind, Greyback has joined You Know Who's forces, and may be supported by Deatheaters. If you have any information concerning Greyback or any other werewolves and Deatheaters, it is vital that you come forward with information._

_"Citizens are reminded, that, although you may believe certain werewolves to be 'tame,' it is more likely that they are simply trying to infiltrate-"_

"Shut it, Prongs. It's the same old shit as always." Remus' cold stare alone is enough to make me stay quiet.

In the shadows, dark whispers fill the silence, and I fear to know what they speak of. It's probably best if I don't know, anyway. These days, knowledge is more trouble than it's worth. There were days, not that long ago, when I would seek out trouble instead of avoiding it, but in these circumstances, it's more than just a detention I'll face. Who knows what would happen if I ended up knowing something I shouldn't, about Voldemort and his Deatheaters, secrets bestowed upon a chosen few? I'd rather not think about it.

Peter takes the prophet, flicking through the pages for something of interest. He informs us about self-cleaning cauldrons and colour changing Christmas trees, dragon sightings and the latest quidditch matches, nothing very interesting, but better than warnings about Deatheaters. I am grateful for him filling the silence with meaningless information; he's helping in the only way he can. It's annoying and I want him to shut up, but I still appreciate it.

Remus grins, glancing at the far corner of the tavern. I turn around, and can't help laughing. Sirius leans casually against the wall, whilst a giggling barmaid hangs off his every word. She doesn't seem to notice that it's hopeless, used to a lifetime of guys falling for her gorgeous body and long, blonde hair. She twinkles her blue eyes at him, and Sirius says something, kissing her cheek and brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. She erupts into another fit of giggles, resting her hand on his arm. They're both naturals at the art of flirtation, both used to being viewed as the most attractive person in the room, but neither committed to taking the relationship any further. Sirius doesn't even have to try most of the time, but telling him so would make his vanity unbearable.

"James?" I turn around when Remus says my name. "Can we talk?"

"Sure." Leaving the warmth of _The Wonky Broomstick, _we walk out into the snow, where our breath hangs, pearl white, in the air. My first Christmas at Hogwarts was a wonderful one, untainted by the fear that this one brings, but this year has the same silent beauty of the castle in winter.

"Loads of kids in our year will have joined the Deatheaters."

"I know."

"Severus too?" I'm not sure where this conversation is going, but I decide to go along with it anyway, knowing that it's important to Remus.

"I expect so. Why?"

"Don't you realise that that might be... Upsetting to Lily." No, I hadn't really thought about that at all. Why should she care? They haven't been friends for years, she doesn'teven talk about him.

"Just think about it, ok? Severus was her best friend once, and she doesn't want bad things to happen to him. So, tread carefully, the wrong word could be the end of your relationship." Just like one word destroyed Lily and Severus' friendship.

"I'll keep it in mind," I shiver, it's freezing outside, "Come on, I can't feel my toes." We go back into the tavern, welcoming the comforting warmth of the dark room. Sirius beckons us over.

"Guys, I need to talk to you." Sirius slips a letter inside his jacket, his voice barely a whisper, "My shift ends in half an hour, you know where we'll meet?"

"Of course. But, Sirius it's Christmas Eve-"

"Cancel any plans that you have. This is important."


	4. The Poisoning of our Hope

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me, they are the inventions of J.K. Rowling. Although I have added my own ideas, the story is hers.

Chapter 4

_James_

The snow is falling thick and fast, covering up our footprints just moments after we make them. It's still freezing, and I stamp my feet to keep warm. I was meant to be spending Christmas Eve with Lily; it was going to be wonderful. I won't see her now until after the New Year, and she is going to be so pissed at me. Damn. Sirius better have something worthwhile to say.

I knew instantly where Sirius intended to meet us; the fields outside Godric's Hollow. We spent a whole summer here one year, making the Marauder's map from notes that we'd worked on all year. It was a good holiday, and the weather was certainly warmer that it is now.

The endless freedom brought by the weeks of sun, the laugher and jokes shared, the naivety of childhood, all these memories came flooding back to me as I waited, in the snow covered fields, for my friends. We were famous at Hogwarts, really famous. The other pupils would often to anything to try to be accepted into our close circle of friends, although their attempts were almost always pitiful and pathetic. I remember one time, I received a very generous amount of chocolate for Christmas from a "Joseph Fortuna." To this day I have no idea who he is.

Shame Filch confiscated the map though, it was pretty impressive.

With the map, and my invisibility cloak, we were virtually unstoppable. When we painted the potion classroom pink, everybody was certain that it was us, but even Dumbledore couldn't prove it. Nobody had seen us anywhere near the scene of the crime, and one boy even swore that we were in our dorm the whole night. Then again, maybe the faculty were so amused by Slughorn's anger that they didn't bother to properly investigate. I can certainly imagine the Headmaster chuckling to himself rather merrily when the potion's teacher reported that, overnight, the stone walls of his classroom had become a sickly shade of pale pink. Yes, I expect that Dumbledore would have found it rather amusing.

Lily didn't find it remotely funny.

I am not looking forward to the next time I see her. I didn't even have time to tell her myself that I would be busy tonight, and I don't imagine that she will react well to the news. Sirius better have something remotely worthwhile to tell us, or I swear to wizard God that I will kill him. No one will even find his body. I know just where I would hide it. Of course, I would transfigure it into something different first, and then throw it off a waterfall in Europe. Then, I would change the memories of several acquaintances that would swear that I was with them all day at the time he "disappeared." I haven't really given it much thought.

"What _are_ you thinking about that's making you grin so much?" Remus asks.

"I'm planning Sirius' murder."

"Oh, right. I do that all the time." For a few moments we manage to stay deadly serious, but when Sirius apperates into the field, Remus starts laughing. I try to contain myself, but I can't help it, the confusion on his face is just hilarious. Sirius furrows his eyebrows at us questioningly, which only makes us laugh harder. This is perhaps the sixth time that I've genuinely considered murdering my best friend, but it's nothing personal.

"If you two have quite finished, I actually have something that I need to tell you about. I wasn't lying, this is very important, and it is vital that you listen to me. Remus, I got a letter from- Where's Wormtail?" I look around, and he's right. No Peter.

"You did tell him where we were meeting, didn't you?"

"I presumed that he knew. Though, now that I think about it, I don't think that he would have presumed that this would be the rendezvous point. I should have probably said something…"

"I expect he's at your house, Prongs."

"I'm flattered, Mooney, that you believe my home to be so loved by my friends." Well, they do seem to spend half their holidays at my place. "Padfoot, shall we wait for him, or is this news just too important?"

"I guess we could wait a few minutes." We wait precisely forty seven minutes for Peter to turn up. By which time, Sirius is looking extremely agitated, and I'm growing increasingly more anxious about what he has to talk to us about. I'm actually starting to think that it might be something that I really need to be worried about, is someone dead? Who's died? What's happened?

"What's your problem guys? I've been trekking around Britain for the past hour, with no idea where the hell you were. I mean, why would we meet here? It makes no sense. You could have at least said, _Hey, Peter, remember when we spent a few weeks making the Marauder's Map in the fields outside Godric's Hollow? Well we're going to meet there in half an hour. _Would that have been so difficult? Apparently it was too much effort for my friends to tell me where we were meeting. It's ok, I mean, why should you?"

"Peter, we spent an entire summer saying _you know where we'll meet? _I just presumed, that, like Remus and James, you would recognise the phrase instantly. How stupid are you? I told you that this was important, didn't I? Are you just completely incompetent? Did you not listen at all to what I said?" I grab Sirius' arm as he throws a torrent of abuse at Wormtail, trying to make him shut up. Peter looks like he's about to cry.

"Shut up, Padfoot. We should have told him, it's not his fault. Now, I thought you had something important to say?" Sirius shrugs me off, struggling to restrain his anger. It really pisses me off when he does that, it's like he's out to crush what little self-confidence Peter has. He really is an ass-hole sometimes.

"Lucy gave me this, Remus." He hands him the letter that he had tucked inside his jacket earlier.

"Lucy?"

"The girl I was talking to at the Broomstick." Of course, who else? Remus cautiously opens the envelope, his eyes scanning its contents with a mixture of fear and anger. The paper falls from his hands, fluttering in the gentle breeze before landing in the snow. All blood drains from his face, and he looks like he's going to be sick.

"Remus?" I move towards him, meaning to comfort him, but not really knowing how, "What is it? What's happened?" Remus looks at Sirius, leading him to explain.

"I only know what's in the letter. It's from Dumbledore, he didn't want it to be intercepted, so he gave it to a friend, in the hope that it would reach one of us. Fortunately, he gave it to Lucy's Uncle, who instantly remembered her mentioning me, so she said that she would give it to me as soon as possible. Which is good, because it's pretty urgent." He's rambling, talking quickly like he always does when he's scared.

"Sirius, just tell us what's going on." But it's Remus that answers.

"Someone told the ministry that they saw me with Greyback."

_Sirius_

"It'll be ok. It won't amount to anything. They can't prove that you did something you didn't. There's no need to worry."

"I'm not worrying."

"Of course not, why would you be worrying?" I glower at James; he's not making the situation any better. But Remus needs to be careful, before long the entire Ministry will be following his every move until they have conclusive evidence to condemn him. In times when nothing is certain, the public look to those in charge for hope and guidance. The Ministry must therefore present itself as successful and effective at catching criminals. Even if it means framing and convicting the innocent. If enough people say something, the rest will believe it. That is the way of the gullible masses, unable to believe anything that isn't preached by those that they look up to. That's one of the reasons that Peter irritates me so much; he is completely incapable of having his own opinions and beliefs.

"Remus," He turns around, and I'm shocked by how scared he looks, "I swear that they will not succeed in bringing you down. They won't condemn you, they can't. You've done nothing. Dumbledore won't let them accuse you of working with the Deatheaters. The Ministry is scared, and desperate. I promise that you will not go to Azkaban; you will not be accused of doing something that you haven't done. This won't amount to anything."

"Because you can stop them, can you Sirius? If they find me guilty, if they call me a Deatheater, a monster, a murderer, a traitor, you can stop them?"

"Not alone. But there are a lot of people that care a great deal about you, and they won't just allow your name to be dragged through the mud." What I don't say is that _I_ care a great deal about him, that I would stand alone, against the might of the Ministry of Magic, if it meant that I could prove his innocence. I don't tell him that I'm just as scared as he is, and that I feel genuinely sick at the idea of him going to Azkaban. I don't say that I am afraid; worried about him. Of course I don't say that. I never say things like that; I don't express how much I care about people. It would only expose me to pain.

_I do not know whether this letter will reach those that I intend it to, but I thought it the safest way to ensure that it does not fall into the wrong hands. A reliable source, I shall not tell you whom, has informed me of an accusation made towards Remus Lupin. Please remember, Remus, that I have always been willing to give you the chances that many would not, and that I sincerely regret what has come to pass._

_As you know, these troubled times have made life difficult for werewolves, particularly those who do not conform to the stereotypical behaviour of your kind, such as yourself. It is with this in mind that I hope you will react rationally and maturely to the tidings I bring. Someone has, for reasons unknown, reported seeing you, Remus, in the company of Fenrir Greyback, and the presumption is that you are working with the Deatheaters. The story is yet to reach the headlines, and I suspect that the Ministry is currently gathering information before releasing their findings. They will be in touch if they find suitable evidence to condemn you._

_You can rely on me to support and fight for your innocence. _

_Sincerely, _

_Albus Dumbledore. _

I'm overreacting. People are accused of things they don't do all the time, but they very rarely get convicted because one person says something against them. But in this case, it's the Ministry against a werewolf, and justice isn't the same for them, no matter how much the Minister argues otherwise. Dumbledore won't let them throw him in Azkaban just because of what he is, even though they'll try. The problem with times like these is that people want others to be arrested, and if the newspapers offer sufficient reasons why the convicted is a criminal then the public will be satisfied that the Ministry is keeping them safe. The Ministry is corrupt.

Perhaps, I consider, this attack on Remus is really aimed at Dumbledore. I can see it now; the journalists will devour the rumours of Dumbledore's lack of judgement, claiming that, if he is prepared to teach all manner of "Scum" then he must surely be unfit to remain headmaster of Hogwarts. If this goes badly, a whole lot of people are going to suffer.

"Remus, you should go home. Don't tell your parents, there's no need for them to get worried. In a few days, the Ministry will have come to their senses. Just go home, it's Christmas tomorrow, after all." James, desperately trying to be nonchalant, has transformed his face into a mask nearly as unfeeling as mine, but I can see through it. At Hogwarts, it was common belief that James cares about nothing and no one. That isn't true. He in fact feels things very deeply, but these emotions rarely reach the surface, and instead they take over his subconscious mind for months before breaking through to conscious thought.

"You'll come to mine for Christmas, won't you Padfoot?"

"Of course," It's not like I have anywhere else to go, "Have a good Christmas Peter." What I actually mean is _"I hope you choke and die." _No, I don't mean that, not really.

"Oh, I forgot, I have Christmas presents for you." Oh God. "You don't have to give me anything, but I thought, you know, it would be a nice gesture." Kill me now. "It's not much." He gives us each a small package from his pocket, grinning as though it's a great honour to bestow us with gifts. Remus hands him a gift in return, giving one to James and I as well. I'd forgotten about presents, and so had James, apparently. This is why Christmas annoys me, being forced to act merry and friendly, no matter what's going on, and the obligation to buy gifts for just about everyone.

Remus and I apperate to his house; I haven't had any food since breakfast, and his parents are always willing to feed me. It's late, but the snow gives the illusion of light of the cold winter's night. There is a storm brewing, there are dark clouds above his house, writhing, black clouds. No, they're not clouds. No clouds look like that.

In the sky, above Remus' house, is Voldemort's mark. A skull, with a coiled snake slithering from its open mouth. I know what we will find inside, and my heart stops for a moment in horror.


	5. Dark Days

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me, they are the inventions of J.K. Rowling. Although I have added my own ideas, the story is hers.

Chapter 5

_Sirius_

"Don't, it's pointless. There's nothing you can do." I wrap my arms around his chest as he shouts and screams for me to let him go, but I'm not stupid. If he goes in now, he'll never recover.

"Calm down!" He doesn't, I grab his shoulders and turn him to face me, "For goodness sake, Remus, pull yourself together."

"It's got to be some sort of prank."

"You know it isn't."

"Then let me go." I do, watching him try to compose himself. He hurries towards the house, his parent's house. I hope desperately that maybe they weren't home, and instead there is a mailman lying dead on the doorstep. The Deatheaters aren't that dense. But why here? Why them? A threat, maybe? But what would be the point of threatening Remus? He's not part of the Ministry, or fighting for Muggle rights, so why target him? It doesn't make sense, but two are dead and there must be a reason. Voldemort kills for a reason, even if the reason doesn't seem legitimate. Unless he had nothing to do with it, and the Deatheaters acted by themselves. The Dark Mark conjured in the sky, a message to anyone returning home, _your family is dead and you will do as we ask. This is your last warning. _So what do they want from Remus?

His mother lies dead in the hallway, her eyes open but unseeing. His father's arm can be seen, lying limp in the doorway to the kitchen. As we approach, the rest of his body is revealed, his face contorted in pain, but his eyes are glazed with the breath of the dead. We can only hope that he didn't give the information that they tortured him for.

Remus falls to his knees, distraught. No tears fall; they will not bring back his parents, or erase the letters carved into the stone walls.

**WE R COMING 4 U WEREWOLF **

And I know that they won't break their promise.

_Remus_

_"I swear, I don't know what you're talking about!"_

_"Lies."_

_"I'm not your enemy, I'm not a threat, I'm no one."_

_"Lies."_

_"I don't lie. I wouldn't lie about this. So why did you kill them? WHY?"_

_"If you do as I ask, then you shall walk away with your life."_

_"I have nothing to tell you. But you will not win this war, you _cannot_ win this war. Your allies follow you because they cannot turn back. Your enemies are more powerful than you think. You will make a mistake, and you will pay for it. I do not wish to become a solider in your war, it is not mine to fight. Your cause is not my cause, and I will not join others of my kind, simply because of your false promises. I have denied your requests once, and I shall deny them again."_

_"You dare to defy me?"_

_"Yes. But I wouldn't dare obey you."_

_"Avada ked-"_

Three weeks and four days since my life started to fall apart. Three weeks and four days of nightmares. They'll find me, I know they will. They'll find me, and remind me that, even though the Ministry's not on my side, they are. And there's only so long that my friends will believe that I turned my back on the Deatheaters' requests.

I was with Greyback, but not out of choice. I hope my friends would understand, but I can't guarantee it. Besides, the case never amounted to much.

I slip out of bed, trying not to disturb James, who willingly sacrificed his bed and has been sleeping on the floor for the past few weeks. I was wrong, his dad doesn't have a problem with me. He was just warning me. I should have listened.

_"These are going to be hard times for you, boy. And you're going to realise that there's no point dragging your friends down with you. You're on your own." _ Well, I am now. I have nothing and nowhere to go. I can't sleep; every time I close my eyes I see their eyes, vacant and unseeing, and know that they died because of me. They died because of what I am, and my stubborn determination to stay on the side of people that have judged and tormented me for nearly my entire life. I still don't know why I'm still loyal to them. They've never done anything for me. They didn't stop us being chased from our home in Wales by the nearby magical family. "_You and your kind should stay away from here! I don't want you near my children." _They didn't stop the mother aiming hexes and jinxes at a nine year old boy as he and his parents fled. I owe them nothing.

And, if I don't join the Deatheaters, who knows who they'll target next. I can't lose anyone else. My heart couldn't take it. James sleeps soundly, his hair even more ruffled than usual from several hours of tossing and turning. I can't help it, I see him lying dead on the ground, his glasses smashed and eyes vacant. A sinister message carved into the wall. Sirius, slumped in a chair, his limbs frozen in the arms of death, a cigarette resting in his cold fingers. Lilly, her kind face forever frozen with the fear of her final moments. Peter, struck down whilst running, purple bruises around his throat. Dumbledore… Killed trying to protect me.

"NO!" I shout, not meaning to express my anger aloud. James' eyes snap open and he pulls his glasses on. I have to protect him, I'm a danger to everyone that knows me.

_James_

"NO!" Remus' shout pulls me from the world of sleep. I grab my glasses, shoving them on my face with a sleep induced lack of coordination. Remus is leaning against the wall, his head in his hands, breathing heavily. I throw back my duvet and stand up too quickly, momentarily blinded. I approach wearily, he hasn't been himself recently. But that's not really surprising. He grabs my wrist, his eyes wide with fear.

"I have to get out of here, or they'll come for you too."

"No, they won't. Go back to sleep."

"They will, Prongs. They'll come for you all." I sit down next to him, prizing his finger from their death grip around my wrist.

"Who will, Remus?"

"I won't do as they say, I won't. They can't make me, but they'll try. And I can't let them hurt you, so you have to let me go." He stares right at me, his face alert for the slightest unexpected sound. He's scaring me; I don't know whether there is genuine danger, or if he has completely lost it.

"I not letting you go. You're safe here. And, as your friend, I feel that we should stick together. I don't care about your secrets; I can assure you that everyone has them. So, just, go back to bed, mate. You'll feel better in the morning." He stands, returning to my bed.

"Prongs?"

"Yeah?"

"I think I made a mistake. And I know that I'm going to pay for it. I already have." I never know what to say to people looking for comfort. It's probably the one thing that completely baffles me. Turning cats into dogs, sure, but knowing what to say to Remus now, when he really needs me to convince him that it'll be ok? I'm at a loss.

"You're still my friend, no matter what mistakes you've made along the way." He smiles weakly. Apparently I managed to say the right thing after all.

He sleeps fitfully, tossing and turning, muttering in his sleep. I start to think about what he said, and gradually become convinced that there really is someone after him. Voldemort. Of course he'd come asking for Remus to join his ranks, though not personally. That explains Greyback. And now Remus has denied the request of the most evil, powerful wizard to ever live. No wonder he's so bloody terrified. I would be.

Trying to stay quiet, I wander downstairs. It's nearly dawn, and I'm hungry. Sure, I could summon the food to my room, but I'm not really allowed to eat anywhere apart from the kitchen. And, despite breaking all other rules, I have no intention of disobeying my mother. She is not the sort of person that you mess with. I've learnt that the hard way.

I nearly jump out of my skin when I see Sirius sat at the table, eating a bowl of cereal, staring at me as if to say, _yes, I come into your house early in the morning to eat your food. Have you got a problem with that? _

"Remus ok?" I'm still trying to work out why he's in my house, "Only, I heard him shout out a few hour ago."

"Just a nightmare… Wait, how long have you been here? And why are you eating our food? You don't _live _here anymore!"

"Is he ok?"

"Sure, he's fine, his parents are dead, and he's been threatened by the Deatheaters, but he's fine. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE SIRIUS?"

"Keep quiet, for goodness sake. I got fired, ok? And I don't have any money to afford a room, or food, so I thought I'd just come here and…"

"Eat our food?"

"Yeah." I sigh, hoping that he'll be gone before my parents wake up, and wondering how he managed to get fired. It's good to see him though. I laugh, the house has been filled with sorrow over the past few weeks, all of us empathising with Remus' grief. At that moment, my Dad walks in. I brace myself, expecting him to go mental.

"Ah, hello Sirius, it's good to see you. How are you?"

"Well, I've just lost my job, but besides that… I'm fine, thank you Mr Potter."

"What did you do, blow up the bar? Oh, and call me Ed, everyone else does."

I stare in disbelief, not quite able to process the exchange between my father, and my friend who is sat, eating cereal, at four in the morning, without an invite. Well, these are strange times.

The house is pretty chaotic for a few days, but my parents don't mind, which is completely out of character. Sirius promises that he'll only stick around until he finds another job, which he's making no effort to do. He is trying to stop smoking though, much to Lily's delight. She wasn't as angry as I thought she would be, understanding the situation when I explained it. As the days pass, and more and more are reported dead, I come to realise something. The world is no longer safe, and there is no guarantee that we'll make it to tomorrow. So we should live life now, and not waste time waiting for the right moment, because there might never be one. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with Lily, however long that may be.

_Sirius_

I wish my family were like the Potters. Instead of throwing out the rejects, they welcome them. Instead of judging, they comfort. They do not go out of their way to humiliate or torment those younger than themselves, and actually try to protect us from the world. I have a lot of respect for James' parents, and I am very fond of them. I owe them a lot. But I can't stay here forever, and neither can Remus. He's barely left the house in weeks, and every time he sees James with his parents, he's reminded that his are dead. They're gone forever, and no one will ever replace them.

No matter how hard we try, there's no convincing Remus that it wasn't his fault. And there's something James isn't telling me, I just don't know what. I hate secrets, but maybe this one's for the best. I'm starting to think that we aren't as immortal as I once believed.


	6. A New Order

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me, they are the inventions of J.K. Rowling. Although I have added my own ideas, the story is hers.

Chapter 6

_James_

_"Petrificus Totalus!" _Lily shouts, giving us a moment to bolt around the corner. Flashes of light bounce of the stone walls all around us; deadly spells that are thankfully cast by unexceptionally talented Deatheaters. We turn into the square, frozen to the spot in shock and fear. There are, perhaps, twenty masked wizards and witches waiting for us. _Where are they? _I wonder, _what's taking them so long?_

_"Stupefy!" _We both shout, but our spells are blocked by more experienced witches and wizards then ourselves. We look at each other and know that we're so hopelessly outnumbered that there is almost nothing we can do to fight back.

"Now, what would two kids like yourselves be doing round here, then?" One witch croons, stepping forwards and shaking her mass of black curls, "You could get hurt, and then what would mummy think?" Lily steps forwards, I grab her arm, but she shakes me off.

"We're here to stop you."

"Oh, sweetie, I'd like to see you try. _Crucio!" _I pull Lily out of the way, and her curse hits me in the chest. I scream and collapse against the wall, writhing in agony for a few terrible moments. When the pain passes, I lie gasping for breath on the ground, my head spinning.

"You shouldn't have come here alone, kiddie." The witch laughs maniacally.

"Well we couldn't just _let _you get away with this. You can't massacre INOCENT MUGGLES!" Lily shouts and I scramble to my feet, taking her hand.

"Try and stop us, girlie," The witch raises her wand, "You're really going to wish that you'd brought some friends along."

"Who's saying that they didn't bring friends along? I'm sorry dearest cousin, but I think you might be mistaken." Sirius drops off his broomstick, landing next to me. On the other side of the square, Remus and Peter do the same. _Thank God._

"You're no cousin of mine," The black haired witch snarls.

"Your loss. Sorry Prongs, we got held up. How d'ya manage without us?"

"Brilliant, no thanks to you. "

"That's good. Sure you're okay? You look a little peaky."

"I don't think so, Padfoot. You're just jealous I've got the brains _and _the looks."

"You think so? Well-"

"If you two have _quite _finished bickering." Lily fixes her eyes on us, desperately trying to remind us that we are in a potentially life threatening situation.

"I know that you think that you have a chance, but I'm afraid that you really don't. And we can't just afford to waste any more time."

The next few minutes are completely mental. We hugely underestimated the amount of Deatheaters that Voldemort would send to a Muggle birthday party, but we certainly weren't expecting more than about five. I cast every spell I know at the many cloaked figures in the square, but there are more of them, and they are used to combat. My heart sinks as they force the five of us into a side street, and I turn around to find that it's a dead end.

"I thought you said that others were coming!" Sirius hisses at Lily.

"Well obviously, like you, they decided that they had more important things on."

"I was sure that Alice… _Stupefy! Confundus! Expelliarmus!" _But we're out of luck, and we can't cast enough spells to overpower them. I'm actually starting to think that this was, maybe, a bad idea.

"Guys, we should get out of here, disapperate." Peter whimpers, and I have no doubt that he would at the first chance he gets.

"You listen to me," Lily says, "We are staying here, and we are fighting. Because no one else is going to fight for Muggles." And she has that look on her face that means we don't even consider disapperating. So instead, we continue to attack the Deatheaters with everything we have, using seven years of defence against the dark arts, even if it was a little lacking in combat experience, to give us a fighting chance. And we're doing okay, all things considered. Those things include being hugely outnumbered by older and more experienced witches and wizards, and the fact that one of the five of us had been reduced to a whimpering coward. And yet, despite the odds being stacked heavily against us, for a few minutes we have the upper hand. Perhaps it's our determination, our "do or die" attitude, or the fact that we're just wicked at duelling that forces the Deatheaters out of the tight alley way and into the square. And I can't help but think, if we can delay them for a few hours, we might be able to stop a horrible tragedy taking place. Perhaps this is just wishful, and a little delusional, thinking.

Someone casts a hex at Lily and I pull her out of the way.

"I don't need you to protect me, Potter. I can look after myself." I laugh and she glowers at me. There are flashes of light hitting the houses all around us, Deatheaters shouting, some even screaming, a fire has started in the midst of the fighting, blazing orange in the black night. Lily's green eyes reflect the flames as she gazes at me, certain that she can protect herself, that she doesn't need me. And I don't need her either. But we most certainly need each other. I kiss her, not caring about the fighting going on around us, only thinking about how much I love Lily Evans.

"Marry me, Potter."

"Okay."

_Remus_

"Seriously, there's a time and a place," Sirius laughs darkly when Lily and James kiss, "And this is most certainly not it." I couldn't agree with him more, but choose not to voice my opinions out loud. Because the others haven't seen what I have. Four shapes on the rooftop, cloaks billowing behind them like vultures or something. To be honest I struggle to think of good metaphors whilst fighting for my life, but vultures is okay. Except they're fighting the Deatheaters, casting spells and hexes at the masked enemy, not at us. _Who are they? _I don't have much time to consider it though, because we're steadily losing whatever quality it was that kept us alive for this long. Not quality really, mostly luck. But we're running out of luck, and fast. The odds that _were _in our favour are now turning against us, and the Deatheaters are moving in for the kill.

Well, this is unfortunate. At least we'll go down fighting. We might even get a mention in the Daily Prophet for our chivalry, though it's likely that they'll "forget" my name. _Stop thinking so… pessimistically. A little optimism never hurt anyone. Probably. Well, I suppose that trying to take on twenty Deatheaters with just five, barely out of school, witches and wizards was the sort of optimism that would hurt someone. The sort of optimism that is going to hurt you, and your friends. _Yes. That's true. A little too true for my liking.

I continue to cast every defensive, and offensive, spell I know, which is a lot. Lily and James are still kissing. Never mind. I'm sure that if I had someone to kiss then that's what I'd be doing right now…

The four shapes on the rooftop are gone, and my heart sinks, until I realise that they're now stood in front of us. Sirius grins and I can feel myself smiling too. Alice, Frank, Jasmine and Paul. The odds are in our favour again.

"Long time, no see Remus, darling," Jasmine hugs me firmly, and I kiss her cheek. Yes, it's been nearly two years since we last met, but in that moment it feels as though no time has passed at all. Jasmine pulls away, grinning, and draws her wand. We stand side by side as we fight of the Deatheaters, their numbers depleting as many of them disapperate into the night which is steadily becoming dawn.

_Sirius_

"So, apparently, the Ministry are unwilling to face You Know Who's forces."

"Well why should they, most of the time they'd be losing essential aurors, simply to defend Muggles."

"So who's going to fight for Muggles, if the Ministry won't?"

"We could." Suggests Remus, wincing as Jasmine heals the cut on his cheek.

"Don't be stupid," Says James, without any conviction behind the insult, "There are nine of us."

"So, James, we recruit more numbers. We fight when the Ministry won't. We track down You Know Who's forces and stop them before they attack. We may even have a chance to defeat You Know Who himself."

"He's got a point, James," Suggests Paul, "We have to do something." At that moment, there is a knock on the door, and Alice hurries to answer it.

"I don't even know how we managed to stop them this time, though it's probably down to luck more than anything, so how are we supposed to make any sort of impact in this war apart from adding our names to the list of the dead?"

"So what if our names do end up on the list of the dead," I say, staring straight at James, "When has a bit of danger ever stopped us before?"

"Before now, Sirius, danger was getting a detention or a stern letter from your mother."

"Well, it can't get much worse than a stern letter from _my _mother, believe me."

"Good afternoon." I freeze at the sound of a very familiar voice, though it belongs in the Great Hall, not in the Potters' kitchen. It's the sort of voice that could tell you to do anything, and convince you that it was the right thing to do. The sort of voice that was accompanied by piercing blue eyes and half-moon spectacles. Albus Dumbledore.

_James_

I swear there is nothing weirder than my old headmaster sitting here, in my house, in my kitchen, drinking tea. He doesn't tell us straight away why he's here, first he waits for a few minutes, obviously enjoying the extremely awkward, and quite painful, silence that has settled in the room. When he finally does speak, his tone is even more serious than the time I set a bludger on McKenning.

"I fear that, without action, the Ministry will fall. And that cannot happen."

"We are aware of this, sir."

"Apparently so, otherwise there would have been no one to stop the massacre earlier on this evening," Dumbledore sighs and places his teacup on its saucer, "You have determination, and the ghost of a plan. What you need is numbers, organisation and a strategy. Without the fears and rules of the Ministry of Magic, you could actually achieve something."

"I'm not sure what you are suggesting, sir," Says Lily, and my heart flutters and the sound of her voice. It's like I've fallen in love all over again.

"A group, an army perhaps. No, an order. You will fight the growing armies of Lord Voldemort, and defend the Muggles who are oblivious of the constant danger that they are in. You will be the hope, hope for all of us, in this seemingly endless war against the Deatheaters. It won't be easy, but it must be done, and the Ministry is too afraid to do it. You will be the Order of the Pheonix."


	7. Love in the Time of War

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me, they are the inventions of J.K. Rowling. Although I have added my own ideas, the story is hers.

Chapter 7

_James_

"Married? _Married?" _Sirius says with disgust, "Why would you want to do that?"

"Fine then. Remus will be my best man."

"I thought I was you best friend."

"No, Mooney's my best friend. That's why he's going to be my best man."

"Fine." Sirius crosses his arms and looks absentmindedly out of the window, whistling quietly.

"Oh for _goodness _sake! Sirius, James and I are getting married, and we would love you to be the best man!" Says Lily, sighing, "That's why we told you first, that and the fact that James _knew _that you would kick up a fuss."

"I'm not _kicking up a fuss _Evans; I'm not eight years old."

"Well you could have fooled me!" You know, I'd always presumed that when people announced engagements, there were a lot of teary eyed, smiling people hugging each other. Or a mental red head and I arguing with my best friend because he didn't _approve _of marriage. The two situations aren't that different really.

"Well I'm very happy for the two of you." Says Sirius sarcastically, still gazing out of the window. Lily's right, he is, very convincingly, portraying a sulking eight year that didn't get his way. Which is really rather pathetic to be honest.

"Anything else I should know? Are you pregnant Lily?"

"No! Of course not! Why would you- do I look pregnant?"

"No, love."

"Good." If I was Sirius, I would be bloody terrified.

"Well that's a relief. Imagine if you had… And out of wedlock as well… Dear me. At least you aren't like those other youths; it's disgusting, sinful behaviour if I'm honest with you. No, you can wait until after marriage for that sort of thing."

"So you'll be my best man?"

"Of course. I'm not letting Remus ruin your wedding because you're thick enough to consider giving him the responsibility of being your best man."

"Well that settles it then."

_Sirius_

Blimey, Evans looks scary when she's angry. I hope James knows what he's getting into, because she is not the sort of person that anyone in their right mind would want to settle down with forever. Marriage though, _marriage. _He must really love her. And he does, I can see it in the way he looks at her. Devotion, adoration, loyalty. Love. Huh. It's all very strange if you ask me.

"Well that's a relief. Imagine if you had… And out of wedlock as well… Dear me. At least you aren't like those other youths; it's disgusting, sinful behaviour if I'm honest with you. No, you can wait until after marriage for that sort of thing." A smile plays on James' lips and he's fighting laughter at my speech on propriety and decorum.

"So you'll be my best man?" Well, yeah, of course. Anything. Marriage, yuck, but he's my best friend. So yeah, I'll be his best man. Hell, I'd jump in front of a killing curse for him. Though I wouldn't tell him that, of course.

"Of course. I'm not letting Remus ruin your wedding because you're thick enough to consider giving him the responsibility of being your best man." No, that's not what I wanted to say, that's not what I wanted to say at all. I was going to say something about how he's like a brother to me, about how much they love each other. I wanted to tell him that I hoped the war would be over soon, so that they could be a family. But no, I'm just incapable of saying something remotely sentimental. So I hug him instead. It's a bit awkward, but he understands what I can't say out loud. Then I kiss Lily's cheek and she blushes, probably due to my dazzling good looks and charisma.

"So when will it happen?"

"Geeze, Sirius, we're getting married, not putting a dog to sleep," James laughs as he realises what he said, "Well we might put a dog to sleep if he doesn't start pretending to be happy about this." Lily looks puzzled, but decides that it's probably some weird inside joke that's too complicated to explain.

"Next winter, probably."

"Yeah, my Great Uncle's only got another six months, and the money he's promised me will pay for the wedding." Lily elbows him and hisses his name; obviously this wasn't something that they were telling people. She had probably decided that they would tell people _"winter's just such a beautiful season, isn't it?" _Instead of _"well, my parents are short on cash, and Mr Potter's just lost his job, so we're going to wait until James' great Uncle Albert pops his clogs, so that we can pay for the ceremony." _It just didn't have quite the same romantic ring to it.

I turn to leave, places to go, people to see, but there's one more thing I have to say.

"I'm happy for you guys, you're like family. And I'm sorry I asked if you were pregnant, Lily, it must be the jumper." And I think I here James laugh, though it's probably the last noise he'll ever make. But then I hear Lily laughing too, and I realise that I really am happy for the two of them.

_James_

"Oh, that's wonderful, dear, I'm so happy for the two of you. It just seems like yesterday when you received your Hogwarts letter, and now here you are, engaged to a _wizard. _Oh, it's just so surreal. Would you like another brownie, James dear?"

"No, thank you Mrs Evans."

"Mum, is Petunia here?"

"No, she's on a date, actually. What was his name again, dear?" She asks her husband, who is blissfully eating a chocolate brownie.

"Oh, Vernon something, I think." I know how much Lily misses her sister. It's not just that they rarely see each other, but she also misses having Petunia as a friend. She gained so much when she found out she was a witch, but she also lost her best friend. I don't know whether she'll ever get over that. But I hold her hand a little tighter, so that she knows I understand, and she smiles gratefully.

Here's the thing. There's a war on. We could be dead tomorrow, anything could happen. So why not? Yes, we're young, but we're not immortal. Life's too short to sit back and wait until tomorrow. So we'll live for today instead.


	8. A Moment of Peace

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me, they are the inventions of J.K. Rowling. Although I have added my own ideas, the story is hers.

**If you read this, please review it so that I know what you think :)**

Chapter 8

_Remus_

"Lily, are you sure you wouldn't rather go shopping with, you know, a girl?"

"Of course not, Remus, they're all boring."

"I'm not sure I'll be much help shopping for a wedding dress."

"I'll buy you a chocolate frog afterwards."

"It's a deal."

Diagon alley is eerily quiet, with just a few shoppers hurrying quickly from one shop to the next. It's fear. Fear of what might happen if you stay in one place for too long. But nowhere is safe, not even your own home. I know that better than most.

All the same, Lily's bubbly mood is making me feel happier than I have done in a long time. With just four months until the wedding, she's talking non-stop about flowers, dresses, guests, you name it. Which is fine. It's something else to think about, I suppose. We've all been very busy over the last few weeks with Order stuff, a group which, thanks to Dumbledore, has now become a beacon of hope in the war. Though I don't really think we have much hope at all.

"Oh Remus!" Lily exclaims, "You simply _must _try on these dress robes! You'll look so handsome!"

"No, Lily, I don't want…"

"Just try them on," She thrusts the black robes into my arms, grinning. I don't usually wear dress robes, I'm too thin to look good in them and I always look like I'm somewhat drowning in the folds of black cloth. But I smile at Lily, agreeing to try them on at least. At least they're the right size.

"Remus," Lily gasps, and I turn around and see myself in the mirror. At first I think that it can't be me, but then logic kicks in and I realise that it must be. I do look quite handsome, actually. No wonder Lily was surprised. Weddings are wonderful things; they bring all sorts of people together. I just hope, for Lily's sake, that Petunia will grace us with her presence on the happy day. I doubt it though, after spending many an evening listening to Lily talk about her sister, I'm pretty sure that the women is a selfish brat.

We spend another hour in Madam Malkins whilst Lily tries on wedding dresses. Of course, she can't find that "perfect dress" that she's been searching for. But I know that she'll look beautiful no matter what she wears.

"What about this one, Remus?"

"I don't know, it's the same as the last one."

"No it's not. The last one was strapless." Oh right, of course, silly me.

"Well, you look lovely."

"Aw, thanks Remus." She pulls the curtain shut to try on the next dress and I whistle tunelessly. I'm pretty sure that I have better things to be doing with my time than dress shopping, then again, I probably haven't. This is actually the first time that I've been out of the flat in two weeks, and in that time I hadn't seen Lily at all.

"I like this one." I turn around and stifle a gasp. She looks completely stunning.

"Beautiful," I say, and she replies with a smile that lights up her emerald eyes.

"So is that it for today?"

"Yep," Says Lily, licking chocolate ice cream off her lips, "I think so, at least. Why, were you getting bored?"

"No. It's just that you haven't bought me a chocolate frog yet."

"I bought you chocolate ice cream."

"You promised me a chocolate frog." She giggles and takes my hand as we stroll down Diagon alley. Then somebody screams.

_James_

"I'm sorry Padfoot, but there is no way that you are able to make this motor bike fly."

"Oh yeah? You just watch me." I don't see why he would want a flying motorbike anyway, he's got a broomstick, and they're much more discreet. But Sirius has always had a love of Muggle technology, well, a love of annoying his family.

"James?" I turn around. There's a silver doe standing in the garden, Lily's patronus. Oh no.

_"Diagon Alley, they're here. Come quickly. Please." _The doe speaks with Lily's voice, something Dumbledore helped us to develop. Fear grows inside me like some sort of poisoned fruit and I feel like I'm going to be sick. _LilyLilyLilyLilyLilyLilyLily LilyLilyLily…_

"Prongs! You should apperate there now. I'll get the others." I don't need any more encouragement and turn around on the spot, thinking of Lily and Diagon Alley.

* * *

**Sorry this chapter's a bit short, I'll update again as soon as I can :)**


	9. Fighting Back

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me, they are the inventions of J.K. Rowling. Although I have added my own ideas, the story is hers.

**If you read this, please review it so that I know what you think :)**

Chapter 9

_Sirius_

Diagon Alley is mental. Almost everyone has disapperated, and a good thing too. But some have stayed to fight, which I respect, no matter how foolish they're being. And then there are the frantic mothers, running helplessly around for their children that they saw just a few moments ago, and that are now lost in the fire and smoke.

All around, members of the order are apperating into the cobbled street with a loud _crack, _wielding their wands and fighting fiercely against the mass of black clad Deatheaters. I glance around for Lily's red hair, desperately hoping, for James' sake of course, that she is alive. The alternative is nearly unbearable, and I have to hope that we didn't arrive too late, that few lives have already been lost today, and that our friends are still alive. But there is no sign of Remus or Lily. I know in my heart that they are alive, but the heart can often lie. There is no way of knowing whether those you love are safe, protected, and alive. If there was, then I would stop worrying about my brother. If there was, then James wouldn't have been sick with fear at the thought of Lily facing the  
Deatheaters. If there was, then there would be no need for me to scan the crowds for Remus' face. Instead we hope, we pray, that those we love are okay.

I duck to avoid falling masonry, but it scrapes me on the cheek and I hiss in pain. Something explodes behind me and I'm thrown to the floor. I'm trapped under a pile of rubble, my wand just out of reach. If I could just stretch a little bit further… Damn! My arm screams in protest as I try to move it, and the other is completely trapped. Trying to ignore the agony in my arm, I reach forward, every muscle in my body telling me not to, but it's not far enough and my wand is still out of reach. A moan of pain escapes my lips, but I grit my teeth, determined to retrieve my wand.

If somebody notices me lying here then I'm done for. I can't defend myself, I can't even escape. What a pitiful way to die. But then again, if someone wants me dead then there's little I can do about it. No one survives a killing curse. No one. All I can hope for is that nobody sees me, and I'll just lie here to the fighting's over. Yeah, Sirius, that's a chivalrous thing to do. No, I can't stay here. They'll notice me eventually and then it's over, and I can't let my friends fight whilst I cower, trapped under some fallen rubble.

Making one last attempt to close my screaming fingers around my wand, I ignore the agony ripping through the broken bones in my arms. I think absentmindedly of the many visits to Madam Pomfrey to have bones healed and regrown, if only I had that comfort now. Instead, I fight against the pain and stretch further than I thought was possible. My fingers close around the tip of my wand and I supress a shout of triumph. But as I draw it towards me, another hand rests on top of mine, pulling it from my grasp. I look up into the merciless face of my dear cousin, and know that all is lost.

"Bella, darling, would you please pass me my wand?" Well, it was worth a shot. She smiles and raises my wand, and I almost laugh at the irony of it. I stare into her grinning face as she lets me dwell on this, my final moments. I will not look away. I will not close my eyes. I must not let her think that, by killing me, she has beaten me. She may be my cousin, but I will never give her that satisfaction. I wonder what my mother will say when she hears the news.

_"Stupefy!" _Someone shouts, and Bellatrix falls forwards, unconscious.

"What are you doing down there? Thought you'd let us do all the hard work, whilst you just lay around, did you?" Remus grins, and I don't bother thanking him for saving my life.

"Yeah, sure. I'll just stay here."

"You wish. _Wingardium Leviosa__!" _The rubble lifts and I'm free. Remus takes my wand from Bella and hands it to me as I struggle to my feet. Someone casts a killing curse in our direction and Remus grabs my arm, pulling me to the side. I gasp in pain and shrug him off, resisting the urge to cradle my broken arm.

"Sorry. Do you want me to fix it?"

"I don't need your help." I snap.

"Fine, next time I'll let her kill you." There's no point in saying that there won't be a next time, that I'll beat her when I see her again. I'm never going to let my cousin get the better of me ever again, I won't give her the chance I gave her today, I won't let her kill me. I can't imagine how embarrassing it would be to be beaten by a girl. Though perhaps the worst thing is that I don't think my mother would grieve. I don't even think that she would be happy. She wouldn't even care if her youngest son died, and I'm not sure how I feel about that.

Would Regulus grieve, I wonder? I think I would, if he- if something happened to him. It's one thing to know that I should hate him, that I should hate all of them for what they are, but it's another thing entirely to put it into practice. He was an idiot, he believed everything that my parents told him with a fearful passion, and never doubted that their views on blood status were correct. There was only so much I could do to convince him otherwise before he started drifting from me. And there is nothing worse in the whole world than feeling your younger brother turn his back on you, discounting anything you tell him and becoming angry at my beliefs. There is nothing worse than losing the only friend that you had in your childhood. And Hogwarts made things even harder. Being sorted into Gryffindor made relationships with my family tough and my friendship with Regulus was never the same again. He retained the opinion that Slytherin was the superior house, even when his older brother was sorted into Gryffindor. He told me that I had betrayed my family, that I had betrayed my blood. I told him to piss off. From the day of his sorting, he barely acknowledged my existence, as though I were merely another face in the crowd, and not his older brother. The memories are still there though, the memories of the brother that I loved and protected, the brother that I could never bring myself to hate. And I do think that he'll come around, that he'll do something good in the end. I have to hope that he will.

I awkwardly cast spells with my left hand, but they're badly aimed and unsuccessful. I should have probably learnt to duel with both hands, now that I think about it. After I accidentally set fire to Remus' jacket he sighs and takes my arm, muttering a spell under his breath. A bandage spreads from the tip of his wand and wraps around my arm, holding the bones in place.

"Better?"

"Thanks." It still hurts, but I can bare it.

"You know, for a moment there, I thought you'd given up. That you were going to let her kill you," Remus shouts over the fighting.

"Of course not," I reply, "I knew someone would come to my aid. I knew that you wouldn't just let her kill me. You'd all be lost without me around."

"Sure Sirius, you keep telling yourself that." He blocks a burst of violet flame with an expert flick of his wand and I cast a hex at a Deatheater, who stumbles as his face erupts in boils that practically blind him. Considering that most of us are inexperienced Duelers, just a few years out of school, the enemy are falling back. Not by much, it's barely noticeable, but we certainly have the upper hand in sheer determination and moral high ground. At least I can cast spells now, though each wave of my wand sends spasms of pain up my arm. And I am thankful for my extensive education, without which I could never have stood up against Voldemort, could never have fought back. Of course, my education wouldn't have been nearly as successful if I wasn't so very intelligent and talented. Some people are blessed with everything, I suppose. Though I'm yet to be blessed with the gift of love, like James and Lily, I can survive on what I do have, brains, good looks, bravery, wit, my talents are practically limitless.

I strike out with my wand at a masked Deatheater, and he blocks my spell with one of his own. I've had little experience at actual dueling, but I instantly recall every incantation and wand movement that I have ever been taught, attacking my opponent with a fierce determination. But he is clearly more experienced, and replies to my spells almost lazily, with curses that I am entirely unfamiliar with. The problem with Deatheaters is that you never know which ones are prepared to kill you, which ones like to play with their food, and which ones can't be bothered with dueling and kill you straight away. And usually you don't find out until you're dead.

The shop front of Olivanders explodes into a thousand shards of glass, and I dart to the side to avoid the glass flying everywhere. It would be so easy, I contemplate, to just leave. After all, I'm certain that the Deatheaters are here only to confirm the rumours of a secret army, and to estimate our strength. But if we don't fight back, then no one will. And if no one fights back, then the wizarding world will fall, and all will be lost. So we fight often overpowering numbers, we duel the forces of one of the greatest wizards to ever live, sometimes we even lay down our lives, to show them that they cannot take this world without its people fighting back.

_James_

"Lily! Thank God, I thought, I was so scared…"

"I told you James, I can look after myself." I kiss her briefly on her smiling mouth, so relieved that I've found her. She shoves me away laughing, and I stand beside her, casting hexes and spells at the army of Deatheaters. Ministry officials are starting to arrive, taking over from the amateurs, the Order of the Phoenix. They don't care that we were doing fine without them, or that it was thanks to us that the situation is under control. With the Deatheaters now outnumbered, they begin to fall back, some even disapperating.

It's time to get out of here, before the ministry starts asking questions. We never know who we can trust, not anymore, and information about the Order cannot fall into the wrong hands.

I take Lily's hand and she nods. We disapperate with a _crack_ and return to my house.

It's only as I step away from her that she stumbles and collapses, falling into my arms.


	10. Something New

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me, they are the inventions of J.K. Rowling. Although I have added my own ideas, the story is hers.

**If you read this, please review it so that I know what you think :)**

Chapter 10

_James_

"She'll be alright in a few hours, don't you worry young man." But she doesn't look alright, whatever the healers say. Her face is pale, her breathing shallow and her eyes haven't opened in two hours, forty three minutes. It's a new curse that the Deatheaters have developed, they say, though they haven't discovered a cure yet, finding that victims tended to recover within about five hours. But that isn't any sort of consolation when my fiancée lies unconscious in the hospital, looking as though the life is simply fading from her.

"Lily…" I murmur, taking her hand. But she doesn't stir, and I sit by her side for what seems like an eternity, never taking my eyes from her vacant face, never turning to watch the hustle and bustle of the ward, never letting myself think that she may not wake up.

There was a time when I hated her for being so blind, a time when I hated her for letting me love her so much without returning it. And now I love her more than I ever thought was possible, because when she smiles, I know that it's for me, and when I laugh, I know that she's laughing with me. It's certainly better than spending every day wondering whether she really did hate me, wondering whether I'd spend the rest of my life trying to convince her of my feelings, and hope that they would be requited. It's better now, knowing that we have our whole lives to spend together, years and years of happiness. Because the war can't last forever, and when it does, then perhaps we can find a home somewhere and see what happens. The future could be anything, and I can't wait to see where fate will take the two of us.

"She's okay?" Sirius comes into the ward, an anxious look etched onto his features.

"She will be."

"Good." Sirius sits down beside me and I expect him to start talking, but he doesn't. It's good to have a familiar face around though, instead of the too smiley healers and crying visitors. The hospital doesn't have the number of injured in it that you'd expect during times of war. Not as many that a muggle war would produce. The reason for this: most don't survive if the Deatheaters decide they want them dead. Nobody really stands a chance at all. Of course, it would help if our side was a little more willing to use the killing curse, but then we'd be just as bad as them. It would be easier again if we could work out a counter curse to it, and I'm certain that the Ministry is working on it. They won't find anything though.

"Prongs?" Sirius asks, wary of my reluctance to talk, but I nod and he continues, "So what happens now? They must know that there's an army fighting back now, other than the Ministry. So what will they do now?"

"Hunt us down, perhaps. Find out who the members are, probably try to kill those they find, or alternatively, torture us for information. Though they may wait until they are certain of what we're capable of, there's no denying that they've noticed us now, and there's no going back. Perhaps we shouldn't have gone to Diagon Alley, it was exactly what they wanted, and it achieved nothing."

"But don't you see James? We have to show them that we're capable of something beside running, that they'll have to try a little harder if they want to take this country. The whole point of the fight in Diagon Alley was to show them that we're a force to be reckoned with, and they won't make the mistake of forgetting that again."

"If you say so."

Lily doesn't wake up until the evening, raising her hand to rub the sleep from her eyes. I smile with relief and kiss her forehead. Everything will be alright now.

_Remus_

I wander aimlessly around the city until dawn; I have no where to go, besides a dingy, one room flat which I can barely afford. My parents' meagre savings are running out and I can't get any work. I'm not even much use to the Order, seeing as most of them aren't certain about where my loyalties lie, and we don't Know whether the Deatheaters are still after me. So, yeah, I'm basically completely useless.

"Woah Remus! Watch where you're going!" I apologise to Jasmine, but she just smiles exasperatedly and casts a quick charm to dry the coffee she spilt when I crashed into her, "Have you even been home yet?"

"No, my home smells like cat piss. You?"

"I'm not really sure what my home smells like... Lemons, I suppose."

"No, have you been home yet?"

"Oh," She laughs, "I have a house in Cornwall, so I'm just sticking around until Lily's definitely okay. Can I stay at your place?"

"You can if you want to... But it's kind of a dump."

"I don't care, I'm exhausted." Jasmine links arms with me, grinning. I show her though the lesser known streets of London, mostly inhabited by Muggle crooks, prostitutes, heroin addicts and other unfortunates that have, for some reason or another, sunk to the bottom of society. Certainly not the area that I would normally show to visitors to the City, but it's my home now, and therefore an unavoidable route to reach my lodgings. Jasmine doesn't mind much though, she grew up in a variety of shitty places when she was growing up, from what I know of her childhood, which is very little.

My room is at the top of a rickety staircase. One bed, a sink, chair and dresser. The nine tenants here share the toilet downstairs, which is just as charming as you'd expect. I toss my jacket on the chair and return Jasmine's grimace.

"Home sweet home. Would you like something? Water?" She politely declines, which is probably best, seeing as I don't have a glass.

"What happened to your parents' place?"

"Turns out it actually belonged to my Uncle, and he, well... He doesn't want someone like me living in it. It was different when my parents were around, but now it's just me..."

"Oh."

"Yeah." She stands awkwardly for a few moments, a sad look in her eyes. The Order had to know about me, it was only fair. But things will never be the same again with some people, now that they know what I am. Besides turning into an uncontrollable wolf every full moon, everyone's instant dislike for anyone like me is probably the worst side effect of being a werewolf. Not that there are any positive side effects.

"Did you want to get some sleep?" She nods, "I'm going out for a bit, try and get some rest. I'll be back soon."

When I come back mid morning, Jasmine is fast asleep on my bed, her dark hair lying on the pillow around her like a mane. I sit down on the chair, resisting the urge to reach out and stroke her face, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. She breathes steadily, in and out, in and out. I wonder if she's dreaming, and what she's dreaming about. Me, perhaps? But I chase that thought away, it's stupid and pointless.

It isn't long before I fall asleep myself, but I don't dream at all.


	11. Brighter Days Ahead

DISCLAIMER: These characters do not belong to me, they are the inventions of J.K. Rowling. Although I have added my own ideas, the story is hers.

**If you read this, please review it so that I know what you think :)**

Chapter 11

_James_

"Morning," Lily smiles as I come into the kitchen, running my fingers through my hair and trying to fight the heavy exhaustion that weighs down my limbs. The sunlight streams through the windows and shines onto her face, her hair still curly from when she had platted it the day before and her green eyes sparkling as she greets me with a comforting hug, "I'm so glad that you're okay."

"Hey, there was never any danger," That isn't true, and we both know it. I'd spent the night outside Suzy Pettifer's house, a Muggle Born who's been receiving threats, in Cardiff, and I would have been dead if they'd chosen last night to attack.

I tuck a spiral of red hair behind Lily's ear and kiss her cheek, proceeding to press my lips against the gentle curve of her neck and the bare skin of her shoulder, where a series of faint freckles mark her pale skin. I can feel her tremble slightly at my gentle touch and she closes her eyes, leaning her head on my chest. I murmur her name and hold her close to me, kissing her forehead affectionately.

"Did you just smell my hair?" Lily tilts her head upwards to furrow her eyebrows accusingly.

"No."

"Yes you did, James," Giggling, Lily wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me, before dancing barefoot across the floor to the oven. When she thinks I'm not looking, she sub-consciously smells her own hair.

"So, how did it go?"

"It was alright, I guess. Nobody came anywhere near the building all night, and Suzy managed to get her first night's sleep in about a fortnight. She keeps moving from one safe house to another, fleeing at a moment's notice. She's given up her job at the Ministry so she has no money coming in, and she has no idea where her family are, or if they're okay..."

"Poor girl. Why her, though? Why are they going through so much effort to hunt her down?" I shrug my shoulders and accept the cup of tea she passes to me.

"Thanks," I wrap my hands around the mug gratefully. Lily sits down opposite me and sips her own drink tentatively, trying not to scald her lips. She's wearing a strapless blue vest top with jeans and I'm trying to look at her eyes, and not the way the fabric of her top hugs her chest.

"I'm just relieved that you're okay, James."

"Were you worried about me?" I say, smiling a little.

"Of course I was," She reaches out and takes my hands, brushing her thumb along my palms. The engagement ring on her finger sparkles in the morning sunlight, and I bring her hands up to my lips, kissing each finger gently. She leans forwards, her hair toppling over her shoulders, and in my head I hear what she's not saying, that one day I might leave and never come back, that one day _she _might leave and never come back, which I can hardly bare to think about. He's doing well though, I have to admit. Everybody lives in constant fear that their family might be next, and though some people are mostly left alone, others are pursued across the country for a position they hold in the Ministry, or something that they might have written in the prophet. Sometimes parents and their young children are killed because someone was bored, and looking for a bit of fun. And in the back of my mind, always, is the fear that I might lose someone that I care about, someone that I love.

"I never stop worrying about you," Lily sighs, pulling her hands away from mine. She pulls her wand from her jean pocket and our mugs float over to the sink, where the flannel begins to wash them.

"James..." She says, cautiously, "I know we said that we'd get married in the winter, not because of the money, both our families have plenty to support us, but because we..." _Because we were scared about what people would think, that they would see us as children trying to be adults, _"But with everything that's going on, I just... Maybe we shouldn't wait, maybe we should just bring it forwards a few months..."

"Everything's going to be fine, love, we'll be okay. I don't think we should rush this. After all, there's only three months left as it is. Let's just see what happens okay?"

"Okay. Okay."

"Just because there's a war on, doesn't mean that we have to rush into things-"

"I said okay, James." She stands up and storms out of the room without looking a me, and I rest my head in my hands, wishing that I'd just kept my mouth shut.

_Remus_

"Do you want to get drink, or whatever?" Jasmine asks as we come to the end of our shift outside Suzy's house.

"Tonight's not a good night, sorry." I say awkwardly.

"Oh yeah, I forgot. Maybe another time?"

"Sure." Or any other time, seeing as I have no social life. Jasmine's hair is twisted into a plat which rests on her shoulder, exposing the multiple piercings in her almost pixy like ears. A single strand of hair has come loose, and I fight the urge to brush it away from her beautiful eyes... "Well, um, I should get going. It's nearly night fall."

"Yeah, of course. Well, until the next time, Remus," She turns way to dissaperate and I catch her arm, causing her to start.

"I had fun today, Jasmine. If it was any other day, I'd be happy to go out with you. I mean, you know, get a drink. Whatever."

"I'd love to go out with you too, Remus." Then she turns and is gone, and soon I am too.

I try to get as far out into the country side as I can, using my memories of holidays as a child to find the most isolated location possible. As the sun sets, I take off my shirt and trousers, hiding them under a tree which I mark with my initials so that I can find them again. No need to repeat the events of last October.

The moon rises, and I start running as the wolf rips through my skin.

_Sirius_

"He must have said something about me, Sirius."

_"_No, not really."

"But you guys talk about everything."

"Not everything." Which is true, because Remus never talks about Jasmine. I mean, I'm not stupid, he clearly fancies her, but he also doesn't want to talk about her, and I respect that. Sort of. At least, I try to refrain from making jokes about his sex life, which is essentially non existent. And, to be honest, I don't really care who he dates, it's none of my buisness. It's not that any relationship that he ever has would end in anything other than disaster, anyway. And Remus knows that, which is why he doesn't talk about Jasmine. Because he's afraid. Afraid of hurting her, afraid of _being _hurt.

"Well, when you see him, could you... erm..."

"I'll tell him to send you an owl or something."

"Better not, you never know who reads the owls, and we don't want the Deatheaters finding the locations of one of our homes," She scribbles her address down on a piece of parchment, "Give him this, tell him to visit some time. Any time."

"Okay, sure," She smiles gratefully and I order myself another firewhisky as she pays for her drink, "Jasmine?"

"Yeah?"

"Don't break his heart."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

I sit in the bar all night, just trying to pass the time. I spent the day trying to track down a few Wizards that have been behaving suspiciously, turning up in places where they shouldn't, that sort of thing. We had our suspicions that they were either working for the Deatheaters or under the imperius curse, but we needed to find them. I tracked them across the city, working out who they'd spoken to and where they'd been, what they'd bought or sold, who they'd fought with. I haven't slept in two days, and I've barely eaten. It's okay though, when I'm out there, doing something. I can focus my mind instead of letting it wander. Sat here tonight, there are so many things that I can't help thinking about, and yet they're the sort of thoughts that are why I can't sleep at night, why I lie awake staring at the ceiling and wondering what to do. I have fears which I can't admit even to myself.

But today was good. I found the three Wizards we'd been looking for, notified a few other members of the Order and we cornered them. We found out what we needed to know, called in the Ministry and left them to deal with them paperwork.

At least I got what I wanted from them.

The Ministry wouldn't be interested, but it's what I've been searching for for months.

With my brother's education at Hogwarts finished, I'm certain that he would have joined Voldemort's ranks as soon as he could, there was never any denying that.

I just want to talk to him, just to make sure he's doing the right thing. To stop him making a mistake that he'll regret.

No, that's a lie.

I just want to see him. He's my brother, and I miss him. I just want to see him again.

I have two addresses in my pocket. One is Jasmine's, to give to Remus.

The other is my brother's.

Whether or not I act on the latter is another matter entirely.

_James_

I stifle a yawn and tap my wand absentmindedly on the railing, barely noticing the sparks that fly off it. It's not as though anyone will notice. We stand above the grey sea, the wind ripping it into colossal waves which threaten to bring the pier crumbling down.

"Tired Prongs?" Sirius asks.

"Yeah, I didn't sleep much last night." I say, honestly.

Sirius grins, "Oh yeah? What were you doing that has so greatly deprived you of sleep?" I ignore him, and he shuts up. Eventually he lights a cigarette, using a Muggle lighter and cupping his hand around the flame.

"Did you get it?"

"Get what?"

"Your brother's address."

"Oh yeah," Sirius fixes his gaze on the horizon, wisps of smoke escaping his mouth as he speaks, "I got it."

"So..." I prompt, and he says nothing, so I decide to drop the matter.

"Have you got a suit sorted for the wedding yet?" He asks eventually, and I experience the frequent sensation of a deadline which I am failing to work with.

"Well, no. But neither have you."

"I'm not the one getting married."

"That's true."

"You nervous?" He asks after a few moments.

"About the wedding? Nope."


End file.
